Friday, 25 December 2009
What happened next . . .
I can't actually remember coming round. I know that I would have been in a recovery room first, but actually the next thing I can remember, after being put under, is being wheeled back into the ward. I think I must have been high as a kite. I have a blurry vision of Clare; she's told me that I kept pressing my PCA button and passing out, waking up . . . . Saying something and then pressing my PCA button and passing out, waking up . . . . Saying something and then pressing my PCA button and passing out, waking up . . . . Saying something and then . . .
I can vaguely remember some of this. Clare says I was "off my head"
I was making so little sense that eventually Clare decided to go home and let me sleep it off.
That night I actually slept on and off, waking to press the button and acquire more morphine. A surreal night of strange thoughts and images.
Wednesday morning came, and after breakfast (cold ready-brek), Clare came in and she was told quite smartly by one of the nursing staff that she shouldn't be there.
Poor Clare, had been under a lot of pressure, and this was the last straw. I think it is easy to forget, when you are the one on the "pointy end" of the experience, that there is inevitable stress on the people around you and supporting you.
In fact through conversations with Clare I have realised that in many ways you can drag people around you down without being aware of it. I'm sorry to have done that.
That day there were a lot of visitors and a lot of texts. A text when you are in hospital can make a big difference. It is a bridge and a connection back to your own life, and people. Small but hugely important.
The day passed and I was very tired by the time last visitor left, and the ward lights dimmed to night mode. Despite my tiredness I did not sleep very well at all. A weird bed, a leaking drip, a restless mind.
The experience of surgery really takes it out of you, and it takes longer than I want to heal up. This is not some mere haircut, this is a major piece of surgery.