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Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Any moment

Clare brought me the phone and mouthed the word “hospital” at me. I took the phone and said hello. It was Fitch’s secretary. Did I want the operation on the 17th  of any-moment-now. I gulped a couple of times like a fish in a net. This had come out of the blue. Seems to be the way round here.  

I looked at my diary and realised that my final two days of training as a Hypnotherapist would be in the way, but perhaps I could get round that. Also I had been waiting to be put in touch with someone who’d made the journey through J pouch construction.

Martin, of Number Twos has ceased his legendry transmissions from the front line. I had not met anyone. I felt that the 17th was too soon. I needed – need- a bit more information.

I had imagined that despite two ops, and a bit of time, I was going to be fixed and as good as new. BUT then I read the forums, and scanned the net. And I realised it’s not that simple.

I did find someone to speak to on the phone who has been through it all. A very nice man with a gentle voice, and refreshingly un evangelical in either direction.

What shall I call him . . . ?  Mr Jay’s description of life on the other side seemed to fall short of the ruddy duck I was –am- hoping to be. He said he was glad he’d made the decision, and gone ahead with it, but there was sand in the Vaseline.

"Butt Burn", a diet of pasta and potatoes, limited appointments with Bacchus (it’s nice to see him occasionally), eight bog stops a day.  .  . He did point out that forums tend to be a bit of a self selecting commentary box. . . but nevertheless. . . I realised that there are advantages to life with Banquo. An insight in itself.

Is it vanity that drives me to be prepared to submit to the masked man in green pyjamas a further two times? I’m not sure I know the answer.

Occasionally, not often, Banquo will shake his gory locks and embark on an unscripted soliloquy. He does occasionally protest at quiet moments in certain films, and has once or twice tried join in with a hypnotism. Mostly though, he keeps his council.

I don’t want to pollute your mind with uncalled for imagery, but even I sometimes want to anoint my body with scented oils, slip into something more comfortable, turn down the lights, slip a little Mantovani onto the turn table. Advance upon a lover like Lesley Phillips. That’s part of life isn’t it. I might one day, want to actually get a tan on the French Riviera, or sit around a pool sipping a long cold drink in nothing but budgie-smugglers and a smirk.

I wasn’t planning to start performing in the nude, or join a nudist colony. 

But . . . Do I want to spend the rest of my existence in this un-natural state? 

Then again . . .

Do I really want “butt-burn”? Do I really want to be bog trotting 8 times a day again? Do I really want to live on a bland diet of pasta and potatoes for the rest of my mortal?

I agree with Mr. Jay; if you are having a wonderful life, and everything is fine, there is no motive to post on a forum or write a blog. The result is that most of the information and first hand reportage I can find, is actually a bit off putting.

I would really like to find someone with a positive experience of reconstruction. If I find a few I will be happy to have the knife, you see. 

There must be examples out there. If you are  such a person; please drop me a line.


  1. We are watching and learning. There is no right decision. If we could cheat and look at the end I suppose it wouldn't be as rich. Choose Your Own Adventure.

  2. Hopefully Hillary will see your post and write something...she was sorted last year. And to be honest, that's what I fear not working...

    Here's a link to what she last posted...

  3. On another note...does anyone know what happened with Martin of Number Twos? Did he have a reversal etc? Also I haven't seen anything on Rich neither for months...hope all is ok with them.

  4. Martin had the reversal, and stopped writing his blog. I believe he said somewhere that he felt he had moved on and no longer needed to blog and think about it all any more.

    Good for him.

    As for Rich . . I don't know - as you say he just stopped.

    Hope he's OK.

  5. Shame about him not blogging...I have a neighbor who has went through it all and I know he doesn't have to run to the toilet all the time like before and his quality if life it better, but still he is affect by the trauma of it all. Food wise I think he can eat most things except chocolate and he has to be careful with beer, but he can drink certain types. How bad his was, I don't know, but he had UC from 19 years old. he's now 43. Got his op at 35 and reversal shortly after. He takes 8 imodiums daily still. I think we're all different in how we cope with UC and it's outcomes, but in the end all we want is a normal life given back to us.

    Here's the thing, you could go for the reversal and see what happens...if it doesn't work out, well, at least you tried and you go back to the bag.

  6. Paula,

    You are right about that, but my surgeon said that sometimes going back (reversal reversal) is not so easy because you have lost a lot of gut length and that can create problems.

    I'm sure Martin is running in slow motion over a field of green grass under a blue sky with not a care in the world.


  7. yikes, I didn't know that. I guess you'll want to talk to some people who have been through it before to get their point of view..then you make a discussion. Life's scary!! Good luck with what ever you decide to do and please let us know what happens ..the good and the bad :(

  8. My dear Arkers, what a difficult decision. Happily though, you have already stirred up useful views and links from those in the know. Which I'm not.

    But as for difficult decisions of any sort - seems to me that after one has drawn up two columns of pro and con, talked it through, done the rational stuff; worn a hole in the carpet and done the anxious stuff; consulted the I Ching, the Tarot and your pet astrologer and done the non-rational stuff; done hypnosis and hipgnosis, one goes to bed one night and the old brain-box puts in a bit of unconscious overtime, so that you get out of bed and think "well of course, the answer's..."

    Hard head-work followed by a period of no head-work at all (running, sleeping, whatever)seems to allow the bonce to get it all together. The little coloured ball on the internal Mac screen stops spinning, and there we are. 42.

    Thinking of you. But not of Leslie Philips or the budgie-smugglers, either way it goes...

  9. I am a bit worried about having a hard head, and no head at all. It was bad enough losing my guts.

    Thank you Gloria for your wishes. As you say I will know what to do one day, in a kind of gestalt moment.

  10. I would like to draw your attention to this blog by Dennis, who has also posted loads of videos (or vlogs), on the subject of UC, and now Jpouch surgery as well.

    This link is regarding pros and cons of Jpouch surgery.

  11. Why can't there be some all-knowing person that can tell us what option will be the best for us? Difficult choice. Sorry, I'm no help. Good luck!


I'm always interested to hear any thoughts or stories of your own. Please do comment.